TROVADORA

hello it’s me the mistress is there anybody home? cuz the last place I should be is sittin’ here alone all I ask for is forgiveness if you’ve got some give it here you don’t act much like you need it you don’t look much like you care

and will you need me in the summer? will you need me in the spring?
I believe my life is ending I don’t know where to begin I’ve got a page in my back pocket of the seven deadly sins and its dragging me around among the needles and the pins and I dont need to take a breather I’m on the outside looking out yeah, I don’t need to see your papers cuz I know what you’re about you had me by the bible and you had me by the belt and you had me from the instant my cold love began to melt and then you praise me for my inspiration asked me for an explanation followed up with hesitation fit my primal expectation

I don’t care but I don’t mind you can call me any time you can holler through the fortress and kick me out of line I don’t expect it from the grief that gathers in my head I like suspended disbelief I like to spend the day in bed I like to spend the nights in heaven hanging with the dead you know, Judas and his women and the voices in my head

I’ve got my eyes upon the mirror I’ve got my hands up in the air I confess to my distress yeah, I great crazier each year you know I’d change it if I could you know I like to say that I would but there’s a war between the parts of me the evil and the good and you try and stop me i’m on fire it doesn’t look that way you know, I used to be a liar but living’s set me straight I don’t come with no disclaimer I’m like everybody else we keep our demons on the burner and our morals on the shelf and nobody asks for my opinion because you dont want to hear

I swear I’m only human wishing I could disappear and you must think its an illusion that I like to live in fear of a probable solution of why the devil put me here and now no judgement call will kill me just makes me close my eyes and I sink into the slumber to the prison of my mind where I’d love to introduce you if you found a way inside you could sell me retribution and totally demystify until i wonder how I got here until I don’t know who to be is it better to be grounded? is it better to be free? am I better off without you? am I happier alone? hello, its me the mistress, could you please pick up the phone?